18 months down, 6 more months to go, and my writing is still crap. The days are flying by and there is no way to slow down the time. Soon the new volunteers will be at Orientation and I will be heading up to Peru for Re-O/Dis-O. It is incredulous to know the volunteers in Belize and Mirconesia are back in the States. Wow. To think, Emily and Carlos arrived 6 months ago and Jake and I arrived in Santiago 18 months ago. We were so naive and optimistic. We were hopeful, but also nervous and scared.
I remember my last week in Chicago like it was yesterday. Heading to Houston to hang out with some Jesuits (I am saying that in the lightest of term. It was more about promoting acts of service and JVC) then back to Chicago. Saying good-bye to friends (My friend Horacio and I went to Home-Run Inn to eat pizza and then I remember driving him home and saying good-bye. I tried to so hard to hold back the tears and I did not want to let go of him. He had to pry himself away from me. I cried all the way home), seeing my grandmother in the rehabilitation center and making my peace with her knowing I was never going to see her again, hanging out with my cousins and her daughters at my parents' house eating pizza and packing last minute. I cried when I said good-bye to her as well. Still not knowing if I made the right decision to go to Chile.
I remember my last night. I could not sleep. I was so nervous and planning out travel details with Jake via e-mail. We were going to meet up in Atlanta to board the same flight down to Chile. I remember doing laundry and turning on the tv. I wanted my last night of television watching not to be something depressing, but not something meaningful, either. I spent the night until the wee hours of the morning watching Adult Swim. I laughed so much, I had to muffle the sound with a pillow so I would not wake up my sister or my parents. I watched Family Guy, Robot Chicken, and King of the Hill. I went to bed around 3 in the morning because I had to be up and out the door by 9. I had cereal and I remember sitting at the dining room table with my parents filling out Power of Attorney forms. I remember running up to my room and down to the basement making sure I did in fact pack everything into 2 suitcases and a backpack. I remember saying good-bye to my mom and walking out the front door.
It was cold, but bright and sunny day. My dad got on the Kennedy to get me to O'Hare. I took in the scenery and the smells. Chicago had never looked so beautiful. There was hardly any traffic and my dad was listening to talk radio. I remember making the trip to O'Hare all the time when I was flying to and from school, but this trip was different. My connecting flight that I was going to catch in Atlanta was no longer going to be to Mobile. My flight was not round-trip. This trip to Atlanta was going to be different. Instead of seeing familiar faces from Spring Hill, I was going to be meeting with my future community mate who was virtually a stranger to me and I to him. My flight from Chicago got into Atlanta an hour before Jake's (he was coming from Denver).
I walked around Jackson-Hartfield for a bit and then I returned to the gate to wait for Jake. My flight to Santiago was on time and I noticed their was a flight taking off to Mobile at the same time. How it brought back bittersweet memories. The hour seemed like an eternity while waiting in an terminal. Jake arrived and we decided to grab a quick bite to eat at Panda Express. It was awkward at first trying to find things to talk about. We talked about our last moments from Orientation leading up to that point. Our flight was going to take off at 8:30 pm and it was going to be an 11-hour direct flight. Jake was able to change our seats to an emergency exit row (since he's a little taller than 2 meters, approximately 6'6") allowing us to fly somewhat comfortably down to Chile.
The in-flight movie was Eat, Love, Pray. Not particularly my favorite movie nor was it Julia Roberts/James Franco's greatest roles, but at the time the film held some significance for me and still does to this day. The only line I remember from the film was Roberts' character saying "Maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic. It's just the world that is and
the only real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift.
Ruin is the road to transformation."JVC's infamous motto is "Ruined for Life." Ruined because you are no longer going to be the same person you once were before entering the volunteer experience and you will not be the same person once the volunteer experience is over.
I am going to make this long story short. Chile has definitely been experience. I have lived so many things I would have probably never lived in the States. I have survived both tear gas and fire barricades. I have experienced what Chileans call "tremors" but what normal people call "earthquakes" on a regular basis. I have dislocated my knee, fallen ill on numerous occasions, cried and dried many tears. I have had students who have become the loves of my life and are the reason why I get out bed each morning. I have experienced so many injustices as a woman in a foreign country, a foreigner in a foreign country, and standing in solidarity with those who have been forgotten and are marginalized. I have experienced the fear of my visa expiring and running the risk of being illegally in the country. My life path has changed. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would enjoy teaching ... teaching high school juniors and seniors! I love my kids. They make me laugh and appreciate the small things in life. They make me challenge myself and strive to be a greater person. No matter what goes on work (good, bad, or ugly), they are who I live for these days. This experience still does not make want to have kids of my own, but I do love these kids as if they were my own.
Sometimes, I still question if I made the right decision to come to Chile. I know if I did not come, I would not have known that I love to teach. I would have not met some the greatest minds and spirits. I would have not been exposed to my favorite drink "The Terremoto" and I would have never known there was a world outside of Santiago. I would have not seen Argentina, Peru, and the South of Chile. I would have not been ruined for life. I still have 6 months to go, but these months are going to fly by. Sometimes, I wish for the time to go back much more quickly, but other times, I want for time to slow down so much that I am able to enjoy every second for what it is. Tomorrow I might feel like throwing in the towel and running away, but I know I am not. This is has not been an easy experience and community is definitely hard work, but I do not regret one moment. I cannot have the good without the bad.
Happy Anniversary Jake, Carlos, and Emily! We have made it this far. Jake, you and I only have 6 more months to go. Emily and Carlos, before you know it, you'll have 6 more months to go. Peace, Love, and Live the Fourth!
CHI! LE! CHI! CHI! CHI! LE! LE! LE! VIVA CHILE!
