3 months and 10 days left of work. 3 months and 25 days left in Chile. It is crazy to know I have little time left here in Chile. I know I am not the greatest at updating my blog, but I am not greatest writer and I need to be inspired whenever I write. I promised myself at the beginning of this blog, I was going to write at least once a week. It became once every other week, then once a month, and finally it became a bi-monthly post of mediocrity. I wish I could be some great writer like many people whom I know and love, but I aspire to be something else. As my time here is nearing to an end, I am beginning to contemplate what comes after Chile. I am pondering graduate programs, employment, and where I am going to end up when I am back in the States. Do I want to stay in Midwest (mainly the Chicagoland area)? Do I want to venture out to the Bay Area where I have friends or do I want to try something new and exciting like New York (chances are if I head out to the East Coast, it would probably be out to Boston or D.C.)?
This time here allowed me the opportunity to explore many opportunities and reflect on what I want and do not want in life. During my undergraduate career, I majored in Theology and minored in Political Science. I thought I wanted the rest of my life to be in religious ministry. No, I did not want to become a nun (though I thought about it my freshmen year of university, but definitely was not for me), but I thought about working in Campus Ministry at a school or teaching Religion or religious ministry in a correctional facility. Working in Pastoral Ministry for the past twenty months was and is a blessing not many people are able to partake in. This opportunity allowed me to experience what I thought I wanted for myself. I thought I wanted to be the Campus Ministry family from Spring Hill, and although they are awesome people and do great work, it is not the work I want to do. Having to plan retreats for each of the grade levels and leading them. Planning liturgies and mass for, not only the student body, but also the entire administration (faculty and staff).
One thing I struggled with while working in Pastoral Ministry is I assisted with the catechism classes for First Communion and Confirmation. For those whom are not Catholic, these are two Catholic sacraments. First Communion is when a person receives the body (bread) and blood (wine) of Jesus Christ and Confirmation is when a baptized Catholic affirms their Christian beliefs and is considered to be a “full member” of the Church. I am not the poster child for the Catholic Church and I disagree with much of its doctrine and feel many things that took place during the Second Vatican Council have not been realized. As I have grown into adulthood, many things I believed as a child, I no longer believe in. I have expressed these feelings to community members and many Jesuits who have come to known while in country, but it is difficult to share these beliefs within my own school. I have expressed certain sentiments, but mostly neutral ones.
I have great respect for my kids who have gone through the sacraments and I am very proud of their conviction. They were not force to receive the sacraments and it was done out of free will (as it should be). These kids took the time after school on Fridays to meet for an hour and a half and discern the sacrament they would be receiving. These kids are young, but yet so mature and wise for their age. They taught me, TAUGHT ME, it was okay to feel the way I do. I know I have not done such a good job of explaining this, but hopefully one day I will be able to express myself better. Long story short, I should not be in charge of leading catechism classes.
There is little time to do so much. I wrap up my time in my school two weeks before before I head back to the States. I want to head back to Argentina. I want to go to Tierra del Fuego. I want to see Machu Picchu, but time (and money) is not my side. I am grateful to say, at the very least, I have seen South America. I don’t think if I ever became a volunteer, I would have had the opportunity to experience just a fraction of what South America see. When I was a child I never thought I would ever see the Andes or hike the Andes. Had I never become a volunteer, I would probably be in a graduate program 2 years in realizing it wasn’t for me. Being a volunteer has allowed me to see the best and worst of myself. It has broken me and molded me. 3 months and 10 days left in my school. 3 months and 25 days left in Chile. I don’t know where I will be after this ends, but what I know now is that this is where I need to be.
