18 months down, 6 more months to go, and my writing is still crap. The days are flying by and there is no way to slow down the time. Soon the new volunteers will be at Orientation and I will be heading up to Peru for Re-O/Dis-O. It is incredulous to know the volunteers in Belize and Mirconesia are back in the States. Wow. To think, Emily and Carlos arrived 6 months ago and Jake and I arrived in Santiago 18 months ago. We were so naive and optimistic. We were hopeful, but also nervous and scared.
I remember my last week in Chicago like it was yesterday. Heading to Houston to hang out with some Jesuits (I am saying that in the lightest of term. It was more about promoting acts of service and JVC) then back to Chicago. Saying good-bye to friends (My friend Horacio and I went to Home-Run Inn to eat pizza and then I remember driving him home and saying good-bye. I tried to so hard to hold back the tears and I did not want to let go of him. He had to pry himself away from me. I cried all the way home), seeing my grandmother in the rehabilitation center and making my peace with her knowing I was never going to see her again, hanging out with my cousins and her daughters at my parents' house eating pizza and packing last minute. I cried when I said good-bye to her as well. Still not knowing if I made the right decision to go to Chile.
I remember my last night. I could not sleep. I was so nervous and planning out travel details with Jake via e-mail. We were going to meet up in Atlanta to board the same flight down to Chile. I remember doing laundry and turning on the tv. I wanted my last night of television watching not to be something depressing, but not something meaningful, either. I spent the night until the wee hours of the morning watching Adult Swim. I laughed so much, I had to muffle the sound with a pillow so I would not wake up my sister or my parents. I watched Family Guy, Robot Chicken, and King of the Hill. I went to bed around 3 in the morning because I had to be up and out the door by 9. I had cereal and I remember sitting at the dining room table with my parents filling out Power of Attorney forms. I remember running up to my room and down to the basement making sure I did in fact pack everything into 2 suitcases and a backpack. I remember saying good-bye to my mom and walking out the front door.
It was cold, but bright and sunny day. My dad got on the Kennedy to get me to O'Hare. I took in the scenery and the smells. Chicago had never looked so beautiful. There was hardly any traffic and my dad was listening to talk radio. I remember making the trip to O'Hare all the time when I was flying to and from school, but this trip was different. My connecting flight that I was going to catch in Atlanta was no longer going to be to Mobile. My flight was not round-trip. This trip to Atlanta was going to be different. Instead of seeing familiar faces from Spring Hill, I was going to be meeting with my future community mate who was virtually a stranger to me and I to him. My flight from Chicago got into Atlanta an hour before Jake's (he was coming from Denver).
I walked around Jackson-Hartfield for a bit and then I returned to the gate to wait for Jake. My flight to Santiago was on time and I noticed their was a flight taking off to Mobile at the same time. How it brought back bittersweet memories. The hour seemed like an eternity while waiting in an terminal. Jake arrived and we decided to grab a quick bite to eat at Panda Express. It was awkward at first trying to find things to talk about. We talked about our last moments from Orientation leading up to that point. Our flight was going to take off at 8:30 pm and it was going to be an 11-hour direct flight. Jake was able to change our seats to an emergency exit row (since he's a little taller than 2 meters, approximately 6'6") allowing us to fly somewhat comfortably down to Chile.
The in-flight movie was Eat, Love, Pray. Not particularly my favorite movie nor was it Julia Roberts/James Franco's greatest roles, but at the time the film held some significance for me and still does to this day. The only line I remember from the film was Roberts' character saying "Maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic. It's just the world that is and
the only real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift.
Ruin is the road to transformation."JVC's infamous motto is "Ruined for Life." Ruined because you are no longer going to be the same person you once were before entering the volunteer experience and you will not be the same person once the volunteer experience is over.
I am going to make this long story short. Chile has definitely been experience. I have lived so many things I would have probably never lived in the States. I have survived both tear gas and fire barricades. I have experienced what Chileans call "tremors" but what normal people call "earthquakes" on a regular basis. I have dislocated my knee, fallen ill on numerous occasions, cried and dried many tears. I have had students who have become the loves of my life and are the reason why I get out bed each morning. I have experienced so many injustices as a woman in a foreign country, a foreigner in a foreign country, and standing in solidarity with those who have been forgotten and are marginalized. I have experienced the fear of my visa expiring and running the risk of being illegally in the country. My life path has changed. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would enjoy teaching ... teaching high school juniors and seniors! I love my kids. They make me laugh and appreciate the small things in life. They make me challenge myself and strive to be a greater person. No matter what goes on work (good, bad, or ugly), they are who I live for these days. This experience still does not make want to have kids of my own, but I do love these kids as if they were my own.
Sometimes, I still question if I made the right decision to come to Chile. I know if I did not come, I would not have known that I love to teach. I would have not met some the greatest minds and spirits. I would have not been exposed to my favorite drink "The Terremoto" and I would have never known there was a world outside of Santiago. I would have not seen Argentina, Peru, and the South of Chile. I would have not been ruined for life. I still have 6 months to go, but these months are going to fly by. Sometimes, I wish for the time to go back much more quickly, but other times, I want for time to slow down so much that I am able to enjoy every second for what it is. Tomorrow I might feel like throwing in the towel and running away, but I know I am not. This is has not been an easy experience and community is definitely hard work, but I do not regret one moment. I cannot have the good without the bad.
Happy Anniversary Jake, Carlos, and Emily! We have made it this far. Jake, you and I only have 6 more months to go. Emily and Carlos, before you know it, you'll have 6 more months to go. Peace, Love, and Live the Fourth!
CHI! LE! CHI! CHI! CHI! LE! LE! LE! VIVA CHILE!
Monday, June 11, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
From the tropic of Cancer, to Capricorn, you so far from your sofa along
And on Saturday they left. I am talking about my family. It has been so long since I have updated my blog and yet again so much has happened. I am going to list everything that has happened (well, everything I can remember) and I will try to organize my rants into coherent sentences and hopefully you will be able to understand what I am trying to say. Since the last time I wrote on here, the school year began, there were many earthquakes (from the States to Mexico to Indonesia to Chile), I got my first whiff of tear gas of the year, I somehow dislocated my knee, and my family (meaning my mom and my sister) visited me. Let me begin my rant with the school year. There is a new director in town and people have mixed feelings. Change is good and sometimes it is not. I do not know how I feel. I guess I fall in the neutral category. The new director is different. She is more about business and administrative than she is nurturing. Not that there is anything wrong about that, but people feel her to be distant and removed from the school community. If I remember to post more frequently, I will be sure to keep you all updated.
Moving onto dislocated knee.
First off, I do not know how or why I dislocated my knee. I recently made a doctor's appointment because I had a pain/discomfort in my left leg starting with the knee. The pain began in December and the only reason why I decided to go now was because the pain was increasing. I made an appointment and long story short (and $300 later), the doctor said my knee was out of place. I still need to deal with insurance and see if Physical Therapy is covered, but I hate dealing with that, so I'm going to end the story here. Knee is out of place and nothing more/nothing less. I still have pain because I have not done the exercises the doctor told me to do. Argh ... procrastination is getting the best of me. C'est la vie y'all.
Moving onto the next point on the list. My mom and sister came to visit me. I had not seen either of them (in the flesh) for over 16 months. It's crazy to think that it's been that long since I have seen someone from my previous life (well, that's a lie because my friend Rosa came to visit in January and that trip was EPIC). It was nice to see them, but at the same time, it was weird. I am not extremely close to my family. We get along better when we are apart and when we are together, we want to kill another. My mom recently lost her older sister (my aunt). My aunt lost a long battle to Diabetes and her death was unexpected. My mother took it especially hard because within the past two years, my mother has lost both her mother and her sister. I was not home for either one of their passings, but I do not feel that my presence was necessary. My sister has grown so much and she is now taller than me! The last time I had seen her, she was 10 years old and now she is going on 14. It's crazy to think she is going to be 14 this year. It's only been two years but I missed her 11th, 12th, and 13th birthdays. What a world, what a world. Where does the time go? Before I know it, I will be back in the States.
Less than 8 months to go. Time is funny because at times it can seem never ending and other times it seems like there is not enough of it. I started to work on my resume and began the job search. This is my plan (for the time being): in two months, start the job search for real, start sending out my resume to prospective job sites, begin looking into apartments in the Chicagoland area, begin looking for roommates, and start making a donation pile of things I am going to donate to the Salvation Army and into community. In the past 16 + months, I have accumulated so much and now it is now time to start de-cluttering. Sometimes, I just want to give everything and go back with nothing, but I have to go back with something because it's going to be cold and I won't be able to survive a Chicago winter with nothing. I cannot believe I will know the names of the new JVs soon and I cannot believe it's already winter here in Chile. Hopefully, this winter will be better than the last one. Hopefully, I remember to regularly update this blog because too much time passes by and it's ridiculous how much goes on and it's just too much to write about in just one bi-monthly post.
Moving onto dislocated knee.
First off, I do not know how or why I dislocated my knee. I recently made a doctor's appointment because I had a pain/discomfort in my left leg starting with the knee. The pain began in December and the only reason why I decided to go now was because the pain was increasing. I made an appointment and long story short (and $300 later), the doctor said my knee was out of place. I still need to deal with insurance and see if Physical Therapy is covered, but I hate dealing with that, so I'm going to end the story here. Knee is out of place and nothing more/nothing less. I still have pain because I have not done the exercises the doctor told me to do. Argh ... procrastination is getting the best of me. C'est la vie y'all.
Moving onto the next point on the list. My mom and sister came to visit me. I had not seen either of them (in the flesh) for over 16 months. It's crazy to think that it's been that long since I have seen someone from my previous life (well, that's a lie because my friend Rosa came to visit in January and that trip was EPIC). It was nice to see them, but at the same time, it was weird. I am not extremely close to my family. We get along better when we are apart and when we are together, we want to kill another. My mom recently lost her older sister (my aunt). My aunt lost a long battle to Diabetes and her death was unexpected. My mother took it especially hard because within the past two years, my mother has lost both her mother and her sister. I was not home for either one of their passings, but I do not feel that my presence was necessary. My sister has grown so much and she is now taller than me! The last time I had seen her, she was 10 years old and now she is going on 14. It's crazy to think she is going to be 14 this year. It's only been two years but I missed her 11th, 12th, and 13th birthdays. What a world, what a world. Where does the time go? Before I know it, I will be back in the States.
Less than 8 months to go. Time is funny because at times it can seem never ending and other times it seems like there is not enough of it. I started to work on my resume and began the job search. This is my plan (for the time being): in two months, start the job search for real, start sending out my resume to prospective job sites, begin looking into apartments in the Chicagoland area, begin looking for roommates, and start making a donation pile of things I am going to donate to the Salvation Army and into community. In the past 16 + months, I have accumulated so much and now it is now time to start de-cluttering. Sometimes, I just want to give everything and go back with nothing, but I have to go back with something because it's going to be cold and I won't be able to survive a Chicago winter with nothing. I cannot believe I will know the names of the new JVs soon and I cannot believe it's already winter here in Chile. Hopefully, this winter will be better than the last one. Hopefully, I remember to regularly update this blog because too much time passes by and it's ridiculous how much goes on and it's just too much to write about in just one bi-monthly post.
Friday, January 27, 2012
You Are a Tourist
I struggle with the idea of “home.” This is an idea I have wrestled with and pondered before I applied to JVC and while I was a student at Spring Hill. What is home? People here in Chile have asked me if I plan to return home once I complete my two years of volunteer work. I respond by saying I still have a year to figure out the future, but I also say I do not have a home. Not to sound mean or callous, or to have people think I am homeless, but technically I do not have a home (in the States).
Truth be told the home I once knew as a child no longer exists. The home once belonging to me is still the home of my parents and my younger sister, but it is not mine. During winter and summer breaks as a student I would return “home,” but with each visit, I felt more like a stranger. Things would be different and why would they not be different? I cannot expect time to stop and things to remain the same when I am away. What used to be my room became a guest room. What used to be my dresser became my sister’s and my father completely renovated the yard and planted his garden.
So, what is home? Those who know me know I love music (There is a point to this digression so bear with my train of thought and writing process). Music lets me know I am not alone in my feelings and lets me know whatever I am going through (be it good or bad), someone else has experienced it. There are a number of songs I have identified with since being in Santiago. Two songs touching on the question of home for me are The National’s “Bloodbuzz Ohio” and Death Cab for Cutie’s “You Are a Tourist.”
“Bloodbuzz Ohio” deals with the singer’s experience of returning “home” after a period of time. There is a line he sings, “I was carried to Ohio in swarm of bees, I never married, but Ohio don't remember me.” So much changed since he left Ohio. It was neither the same place he knew nor was he the same person. Both my parents’ home and Chicago are not the places I knew as a child and as I grow as an adult and gain more experience and knowledge, the more foreign each concept becomes. In “You Are A Tourist” there is a verse in the song that goes:
“And if you feel just like a tourist in the city
where you were born then it's time to go
and if you find your destination
there’s so many different places to call home ...”
The explanation is as followed. As I am beginning to discern the next chapter of my life, the answer to this ever-existential question I discovered is home is wherever I am presently and with the people I am with. Home has been so many different places. Home has been the house of my parents. Home has been Chicago. Home has been Spring Hill College. Home has been Nicaragua, Italy, the Dominican Republic, El Salvador, and now Chile. Home is now the JV house I share with my community.
Home is now the place where I share old memories and create new ones. The idea of home will change again when I finish my time here. This home will no longer be mine, but it will still remain the JV house and the home of Emily and Carlos and will become the home of future volunteers who continue to come to serve the Chilean people. I currently may not have a home waiting for me in the States, but home will be wherever I decide to begin my next chapter.
Truth be told the home I once knew as a child no longer exists. The home once belonging to me is still the home of my parents and my younger sister, but it is not mine. During winter and summer breaks as a student I would return “home,” but with each visit, I felt more like a stranger. Things would be different and why would they not be different? I cannot expect time to stop and things to remain the same when I am away. What used to be my room became a guest room. What used to be my dresser became my sister’s and my father completely renovated the yard and planted his garden.
So, what is home? Those who know me know I love music (There is a point to this digression so bear with my train of thought and writing process). Music lets me know I am not alone in my feelings and lets me know whatever I am going through (be it good or bad), someone else has experienced it. There are a number of songs I have identified with since being in Santiago. Two songs touching on the question of home for me are The National’s “Bloodbuzz Ohio” and Death Cab for Cutie’s “You Are a Tourist.”
“Bloodbuzz Ohio” deals with the singer’s experience of returning “home” after a period of time. There is a line he sings, “I was carried to Ohio in swarm of bees, I never married, but Ohio don't remember me.” So much changed since he left Ohio. It was neither the same place he knew nor was he the same person. Both my parents’ home and Chicago are not the places I knew as a child and as I grow as an adult and gain more experience and knowledge, the more foreign each concept becomes. In “You Are A Tourist” there is a verse in the song that goes:
“And if you feel just like a tourist in the city
where you were born then it's time to go
and if you find your destination
there’s so many different places to call home ...”
The explanation is as followed. As I am beginning to discern the next chapter of my life, the answer to this ever-existential question I discovered is home is wherever I am presently and with the people I am with. Home has been so many different places. Home has been the house of my parents. Home has been Chicago. Home has been Spring Hill College. Home has been Nicaragua, Italy, the Dominican Republic, El Salvador, and now Chile. Home is now the JV house I share with my community.
Home is now the place where I share old memories and create new ones. The idea of home will change again when I finish my time here. This home will no longer be mine, but it will still remain the JV house and the home of Emily and Carlos and will become the home of future volunteers who continue to come to serve the Chilean people. I currently may not have a home waiting for me in the States, but home will be wherever I decide to begin my next chapter.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
And With True Love and Brotherhood Each Other Now Embrace
I am seriously the worst person in the world when it comes to updating my blog. I think it has been about 4 months since I last posted and so much has happened in between August and now. These are the things that have indirectly affected me (but, has gone on and made the news since I have been in Chile): The Occupy Wallstreet Movement moving from New York to across the country (especially on college campuses), the deaths of Steve Jobs, Qaddafi, Andy Rooney, Christopher Hitchens, Kim Jong Il, and former Czechoslovakian president Václav Havel. Since August, I have gone on a retreat with a group of seventh graders from my school, I made a new friend who is from the States (whom many people thought was going to be a love interest, but no. He is just a friend; nothing more, nothing less), went on a 27 kilometer pilgrimage with my school and about seventy-five thousand other Chileans in the Andes, celebrated my twenty-fourth birthday, went up to Peru for Re-O/Dis-O with my community and it was AMAZING to reunite with old friends and make new ones, had a bomb scare across the street from my community’s house, going on my first city bike-ride and transitioning from being a first-year volunteer to a second-year volunteer. Also, receiving the new volunteers on the eighth of this month (which has already happened).
So much has happened, not only in the past four months, but also so much has happened and changed this past year. I am no longer the woman I was when I arrived in Chile last December. I am not as naive, not as independent, and I have sacrificed many things. I have cried many tears, I have been frustrated when things have not gone my way, I have been scared of the unknown and of the future. Things have occurred that I did not expect. I had been in Chile for less than a month when my grandmother passed away and I did not go back for the funeral, my community still did not have a house to call our own, and it was unbearably hot. A reminder for those and for those who do not know: I hate everything about the heat. I hate sweating, I hate feeling uncomfortable, I cannot sleep, I cannot eat, and I can become snappy and short with people. I was definitely not my best person in January or in February, but community accepted me how I was (thank you Catherine and Jake). As time went on, things got a little easier: I got into a routine at work and with my social-service site, made new friends, and I felt like the two years would not be so bad. Then the winter came.
When people tell you it gets cold in Chile, you question what their idea of “cold” is. I grew in the Midwest and let me tell you, Chicago winters are brutal: sub-zero temperatures, 20-40mph wind, and pipes freezing. If I could survive a Chicago winter, I knew I could survive a Chilean winter. What people forget to leave out here is it tends to be colder inside buildings and houses than it is outside. I remember wearing my coat, hat, scarf, and gloves while working, and using my sleeping bag (this is addition to using my comforter, wool blanket, and sheets) when I would go to bed. The houses and buildings here have no insulation whatsoever. Also, I do not know if it has anything to do with how close we are to the South Pole, but it would get dark here early and would still be dark when I would leave for work in the morning. For example, I would head out of work around 5:30pm and it would be dark and when I would leave my house in the mornings and get to work around 8:00am, it still would be dark. Setting aside my misery for a moment, something else is brewing the winter here: discontentment. People, but more specifically, the Chilean youth had become disillusioned with the Chilean education system. There were massive weekly protests and students taking over their schools (I am not going to go into great detail because I have already written about this) and this was something I had never witnessed in the States.
Moving past the winter and onto Spring. I had gotten into a slump at work. I was growing bored and becoming frustrated. The students were apathetic and my relationships with some of co-workers deteriorated. I also was not too happy with community. I became somewhat homesick and longed for the life I had before JVC. I longed for something that was comfortable, safe, and something that I knew and that knew me. I remember crying on the phone when calling home. I remember telling my parents and friends how I was told I needed to change and to start taking more of an “initiative” (whatever that meant). I was told to start kissing ass (not in those words, but still the same sentiment) and make small talk with people. Those who are closest to me know I hate small talk and I have zero tolerance for superficiality. If keeping it real means not talking very much then so be it. How do I change who I am while still staying true to me? I remember feeling like the odd-man out when it came to community activity. The irony is that I participated in many community activities to not feel excluded. If the winter was not fun, the beginning of spring was not any better. I became more anxious and stressed. I gained somewhere between 10-20 pounds (I am not exaggerating here), my skin was horrible and I became overwhelmed when people would ask what I was doing for my birthday. I needed a break from everything. I needed a break from Chile, I needed a break from community, I needed a break from JV life ... or so I thought.
At the end of October, our community went up to Tacna, Peru for Re-O/Dis-O (Re-Orientation/Dis-Orientation) and it was great to see familiar faces. It was great to be on retreat with people who were going through similar struggles. It was great to be silly and laugh uncontrollably. It was great to be myself and not feel guilty about it. After the retreat in Peru, I returned to Chile energized and ready to take on Year 2. I was ready to make necessary changes in my life in order to be a person in my community and in my school. I was ready to re-commit to myself to JVC’s values and and to this experience. I began to eat better and to be more vocal about how I was feeling. I was ready to see more of what Santiago had offer when I had free time and I was ready to hang out with new and old friends. I was ready to become a second-year volunteer and ready to make myself 100% available to the new volunteers.
Now, the new volunteers are here and I am getting ready to wrap up the school year. The year has gone by quickly and before I know it, it will be time for me to return to the States. I have to start thinking about what I am going to be doing when I get back. Future plans. Something I have put hold on since accepting JVC. I am thinking more and more about law school, but I do not know if I want to practice law. I would like to have a JD, but I am also thinking about working for an NGO or evening working as a Foreign Service Officer. I have a year still to figure all of that out. Right now, I need to be present in the present. I need to be here for my students who have loved me from Day One and present to my ever-expanding community. I am excited for the future. I am excited, scared, and nervous for the unknown. There are so many emotions going on inside of me right now, but as long as I trust in the process and in God, I will be okay. I know I have not written anything in here about Christmas, but Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah (however you want to take it). I am grateful for this year and I am grateful for the year that is to come. I am grateful for both the good and the bad. I am grateful for community and for God's Grace. I am hopeful and optimistic. I am awaiting the Good News and I am reviving my hope in all good things. Although there is much darkness and sorrow in world, we must not forgot the good. There is always good. Hopefully, I will be updating this after the Holidays, but I am not making any promises. I do what I can. Peace, Love, and LIVE THE FOURTH!
So much has happened, not only in the past four months, but also so much has happened and changed this past year. I am no longer the woman I was when I arrived in Chile last December. I am not as naive, not as independent, and I have sacrificed many things. I have cried many tears, I have been frustrated when things have not gone my way, I have been scared of the unknown and of the future. Things have occurred that I did not expect. I had been in Chile for less than a month when my grandmother passed away and I did not go back for the funeral, my community still did not have a house to call our own, and it was unbearably hot. A reminder for those and for those who do not know: I hate everything about the heat. I hate sweating, I hate feeling uncomfortable, I cannot sleep, I cannot eat, and I can become snappy and short with people. I was definitely not my best person in January or in February, but community accepted me how I was (thank you Catherine and Jake). As time went on, things got a little easier: I got into a routine at work and with my social-service site, made new friends, and I felt like the two years would not be so bad. Then the winter came.
When people tell you it gets cold in Chile, you question what their idea of “cold” is. I grew in the Midwest and let me tell you, Chicago winters are brutal: sub-zero temperatures, 20-40mph wind, and pipes freezing. If I could survive a Chicago winter, I knew I could survive a Chilean winter. What people forget to leave out here is it tends to be colder inside buildings and houses than it is outside. I remember wearing my coat, hat, scarf, and gloves while working, and using my sleeping bag (this is addition to using my comforter, wool blanket, and sheets) when I would go to bed. The houses and buildings here have no insulation whatsoever. Also, I do not know if it has anything to do with how close we are to the South Pole, but it would get dark here early and would still be dark when I would leave for work in the morning. For example, I would head out of work around 5:30pm and it would be dark and when I would leave my house in the mornings and get to work around 8:00am, it still would be dark. Setting aside my misery for a moment, something else is brewing the winter here: discontentment. People, but more specifically, the Chilean youth had become disillusioned with the Chilean education system. There were massive weekly protests and students taking over their schools (I am not going to go into great detail because I have already written about this) and this was something I had never witnessed in the States.
Moving past the winter and onto Spring. I had gotten into a slump at work. I was growing bored and becoming frustrated. The students were apathetic and my relationships with some of co-workers deteriorated. I also was not too happy with community. I became somewhat homesick and longed for the life I had before JVC. I longed for something that was comfortable, safe, and something that I knew and that knew me. I remember crying on the phone when calling home. I remember telling my parents and friends how I was told I needed to change and to start taking more of an “initiative” (whatever that meant). I was told to start kissing ass (not in those words, but still the same sentiment) and make small talk with people. Those who are closest to me know I hate small talk and I have zero tolerance for superficiality. If keeping it real means not talking very much then so be it. How do I change who I am while still staying true to me? I remember feeling like the odd-man out when it came to community activity. The irony is that I participated in many community activities to not feel excluded. If the winter was not fun, the beginning of spring was not any better. I became more anxious and stressed. I gained somewhere between 10-20 pounds (I am not exaggerating here), my skin was horrible and I became overwhelmed when people would ask what I was doing for my birthday. I needed a break from everything. I needed a break from Chile, I needed a break from community, I needed a break from JV life ... or so I thought.
At the end of October, our community went up to Tacna, Peru for Re-O/Dis-O (Re-Orientation/Dis-Orientation) and it was great to see familiar faces. It was great to be on retreat with people who were going through similar struggles. It was great to be silly and laugh uncontrollably. It was great to be myself and not feel guilty about it. After the retreat in Peru, I returned to Chile energized and ready to take on Year 2. I was ready to make necessary changes in my life in order to be a person in my community and in my school. I was ready to re-commit to myself to JVC’s values and and to this experience. I began to eat better and to be more vocal about how I was feeling. I was ready to see more of what Santiago had offer when I had free time and I was ready to hang out with new and old friends. I was ready to become a second-year volunteer and ready to make myself 100% available to the new volunteers.
Now, the new volunteers are here and I am getting ready to wrap up the school year. The year has gone by quickly and before I know it, it will be time for me to return to the States. I have to start thinking about what I am going to be doing when I get back. Future plans. Something I have put hold on since accepting JVC. I am thinking more and more about law school, but I do not know if I want to practice law. I would like to have a JD, but I am also thinking about working for an NGO or evening working as a Foreign Service Officer. I have a year still to figure all of that out. Right now, I need to be present in the present. I need to be here for my students who have loved me from Day One and present to my ever-expanding community. I am excited for the future. I am excited, scared, and nervous for the unknown. There are so many emotions going on inside of me right now, but as long as I trust in the process and in God, I will be okay. I know I have not written anything in here about Christmas, but Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah (however you want to take it). I am grateful for this year and I am grateful for the year that is to come. I am grateful for both the good and the bad. I am grateful for community and for God's Grace. I am hopeful and optimistic. I am awaiting the Good News and I am reviving my hope in all good things. Although there is much darkness and sorrow in world, we must not forgot the good. There is always good. Hopefully, I will be updating this after the Holidays, but I am not making any promises. I do what I can. Peace, Love, and LIVE THE FOURTH!
And Joseph too went up from Galilee from the town of Nazareth to Judea, to the city of David that is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David,to be enrolled with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. While they were there, the time came for her to have her child, and she gave birth to her firstborn son.* She wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Now there were shepherds in that region living in the fields and keeping the night watch over their flock.The angel of the Lord appeared to them and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were struck with great fear.The angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Messiah and Lord and this will be a sign for you: you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.”And suddenly there was a multitude of the heavenly host with the angel, praising God and saying:“Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” - Luke 2:4-14
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Everybody Wants to Rule the World
*This blog post was actually written between the 17th and 19th of August*
It is a brand new day! Today it is cold and raining. I am in the center and the probability of there being another student protest is 100%. The reason why I am so happy (even though there will be a protest and I will be in the epicenter of it) is because I am currently at the Ex-Congreso Nacional watching my students debate for the second day straight. The time has finally come. They are participants in the MOEA (Model Organization of American States) and they are representing the great nation of Jamaica. My kids have been working diligently and although sometimes I may have lost my patience with them during this process, they are doing an amazing job. They are debating issues Jamaica is facing today. They are arguing for education reform, reducing poverty, and fighting against injustices Jamaicans are faced with every day. They have been drafting resolutions and speeches non-stop. They are collecting signatures from other states, and at lastly (but not the least) they are speaking like diplomats! Even only the teachers and directors at my school could see them debate. Also, my kids are dressed to the Nines. They have to come to the debates dressed like the diplomats. The boys are wearing suits and ties and the girls have been wearing suits and heels as well. They look totally different from they look during the school day. Even I, myself, am required to come dressed formally. My feet are killing me (which means I am finally putting my heels to goos use). I learned from yesterday not to arrive to work wearing my heels. I should have known better, but I did not know if wearing gym shoes to an event would have been a faux-paux (especially when entering a government building).
Although I am excited for my students, I feel out of place. Yesterday, the MOEA moderators (students from the Universidad de Chile) confused me with some the high school students and most of the professors from the other schools here are old enough to be my parents. I spoke to one woman yesterday, but other than that, I have not done much speaking. I need to find my niche. I wonder if I am putting out the same stand-offish vibe I supposedly sent out back on the Hill. When I had to attend an orientation for the program, there was only one other professor who spoke with me (I know he meant well, but he kind of was a creeper), but unfortunately his school is no longer participating in the simulation. Everyone assumed they were going to participate, but was surprised to see they did not arrived. We have a feeling they dropped out because their school is still in toma. Unfortunately for the schools who happen to be in toma during this time are at risk of losing their academic year. What this means is they will have to repeat the year . Juniors will remain juniors (this is an example) for another year and also they will be in school all year long (meaning no winter or summer vacations). Some people even say they will have to extend the school week from five to six days and may be even a longer school day as well. Never did I think I would say I miss my creepy friend. Sure, he reminded me of two people I would not want to see again or run into when I have had a drink or two and sure he talked about things I pretended to only have interest in because I didn’t have the heart to tell him I could care less (the Chileans are sensitive about those kinds of things), but he was polite.
Yesterday, another professor had the nerve to get mad at me because I would not let her borrow my pen. I gave her the piece of paper I had in my hand (I want to write one of my kids a note). Wasn’t that enough? I think it was the way she asked me for the pen and the piece of paper which did rub me the wrong way. She did not ask “May I please have your piece of paper?” She instead commanded “Give me your piece of paper that you have in your hand.” When she saw the pen in my hand, she then said “Let me use your pen.” I told her “Sorry but I am about use it so I write my kid a note.” She scoffed and said , “Are you serious?” I responded, “Yes. I am sorry, but I really need to use MY pen to write my kid a note.” Offended, she replied, “Ugh. Thanks alot” and then proceeded to take a pen from her bag and walked away. I mean, seriously, she couldn’t just do that in the beginning to avoid the whole confrontation. Just because someone asks if they can borrow something does not mean the response is automatically yes. Sometimes it is No. I have avoided having to be in the same room with her. She can give me all the dirty looks she wants, but those looks do not make me feel guilty about not lending her my pen. When you assume, you only make an ass out of “you” and “yourself.” I know the cliche saying does not go along those lines, same difference. That is my philosophy and I am sticking to it. About fifteen minutes, my kids are going to have a coffee break and I am going to ask them how they feel the debates within the respective commissions are going. I am so proud of them. They are learning about the complexities of the world they are surrounded by and are inevitably a member/product of.
Continuing this post at 1:08pm (EST), the General Commission just voted on Costa Rica, Mexico, Honduras, Paraguay, and Jamaica’s Resolution. I am so proud of my kids! They had it approve with hardly opposition and I know they worked so hard on their resolution. A couple of the kids barely slept because they wanted to make sure the resolution is perfect. Right now, the kids are voting for the President and Vice President for next year’s commission. I wonder if any of my kids nominated themselves for the presidency of the commission? I will find out right now. Side-note ... nothing having to do with the presidency, but with the other professors. A few of the women professors can be just as catty and gossipy as some of the high schoolers they teach. I guess I include myself in this group because I am making remarks about them here on my post instead of to their faces, but whatevs. I, at least, acknowledge what I am doing and I don’t walk around making myself seem better than everyone else. I know this mean. I apologize, but no one intimidates me while I wear my heels, I am a tower. I am approximately 5’9” with my shoes on. I am a GIANT! Then again, Chileans are not very tall and I am already taller than many Chileans I know (I am only 5’6”).
4:03pm I do not know how people can walk in heels all day and not complain! I am in so much pain. Never again will I try to break in new shoes in the center of Santiago during the winter and while it is raining. Even when I am sitting my feet in pain. It is indescribable. Tomorrow will be the last day of this torture. Even if I decide to wear my flats tomorrow, it will be intolerable. I wonder if I can get away with wearing my TOMS. Hopefully, it will not be raining tomorrow. Hopefully, I will be able to go home early since this is supposed to be wrapping up around 1:30-2:00pm at the latest.
It is a brand new day! Today it is cold and raining. I am in the center and the probability of there being another student protest is 100%. The reason why I am so happy (even though there will be a protest and I will be in the epicenter of it) is because I am currently at the Ex-Congreso Nacional watching my students debate for the second day straight. The time has finally come. They are participants in the MOEA (Model Organization of American States) and they are representing the great nation of Jamaica. My kids have been working diligently and although sometimes I may have lost my patience with them during this process, they are doing an amazing job. They are debating issues Jamaica is facing today. They are arguing for education reform, reducing poverty, and fighting against injustices Jamaicans are faced with every day. They have been drafting resolutions and speeches non-stop. They are collecting signatures from other states, and at lastly (but not the least) they are speaking like diplomats! Even only the teachers and directors at my school could see them debate. Also, my kids are dressed to the Nines. They have to come to the debates dressed like the diplomats. The boys are wearing suits and ties and the girls have been wearing suits and heels as well. They look totally different from they look during the school day. Even I, myself, am required to come dressed formally. My feet are killing me (which means I am finally putting my heels to goos use). I learned from yesterday not to arrive to work wearing my heels. I should have known better, but I did not know if wearing gym shoes to an event would have been a faux-paux (especially when entering a government building).
Although I am excited for my students, I feel out of place. Yesterday, the MOEA moderators (students from the Universidad de Chile) confused me with some the high school students and most of the professors from the other schools here are old enough to be my parents. I spoke to one woman yesterday, but other than that, I have not done much speaking. I need to find my niche. I wonder if I am putting out the same stand-offish vibe I supposedly sent out back on the Hill. When I had to attend an orientation for the program, there was only one other professor who spoke with me (I know he meant well, but he kind of was a creeper), but unfortunately his school is no longer participating in the simulation. Everyone assumed they were going to participate, but was surprised to see they did not arrived. We have a feeling they dropped out because their school is still in toma. Unfortunately for the schools who happen to be in toma during this time are at risk of losing their academic year. What this means is they will have to repeat the year . Juniors will remain juniors (this is an example) for another year and also they will be in school all year long (meaning no winter or summer vacations). Some people even say they will have to extend the school week from five to six days and may be even a longer school day as well. Never did I think I would say I miss my creepy friend. Sure, he reminded me of two people I would not want to see again or run into when I have had a drink or two and sure he talked about things I pretended to only have interest in because I didn’t have the heart to tell him I could care less (the Chileans are sensitive about those kinds of things), but he was polite.
Yesterday, another professor had the nerve to get mad at me because I would not let her borrow my pen. I gave her the piece of paper I had in my hand (I want to write one of my kids a note). Wasn’t that enough? I think it was the way she asked me for the pen and the piece of paper which did rub me the wrong way. She did not ask “May I please have your piece of paper?” She instead commanded “Give me your piece of paper that you have in your hand.” When she saw the pen in my hand, she then said “Let me use your pen.” I told her “Sorry but I am about use it so I write my kid a note.” She scoffed and said , “Are you serious?” I responded, “Yes. I am sorry, but I really need to use MY pen to write my kid a note.” Offended, she replied, “Ugh. Thanks alot” and then proceeded to take a pen from her bag and walked away. I mean, seriously, she couldn’t just do that in the beginning to avoid the whole confrontation. Just because someone asks if they can borrow something does not mean the response is automatically yes. Sometimes it is No. I have avoided having to be in the same room with her. She can give me all the dirty looks she wants, but those looks do not make me feel guilty about not lending her my pen. When you assume, you only make an ass out of “you” and “yourself.” I know the cliche saying does not go along those lines, same difference. That is my philosophy and I am sticking to it. About fifteen minutes, my kids are going to have a coffee break and I am going to ask them how they feel the debates within the respective commissions are going. I am so proud of them. They are learning about the complexities of the world they are surrounded by and are inevitably a member/product of.
Continuing this post at 1:08pm (EST), the General Commission just voted on Costa Rica, Mexico, Honduras, Paraguay, and Jamaica’s Resolution. I am so proud of my kids! They had it approve with hardly opposition and I know they worked so hard on their resolution. A couple of the kids barely slept because they wanted to make sure the resolution is perfect. Right now, the kids are voting for the President and Vice President for next year’s commission. I wonder if any of my kids nominated themselves for the presidency of the commission? I will find out right now. Side-note ... nothing having to do with the presidency, but with the other professors. A few of the women professors can be just as catty and gossipy as some of the high schoolers they teach. I guess I include myself in this group because I am making remarks about them here on my post instead of to their faces, but whatevs. I, at least, acknowledge what I am doing and I don’t walk around making myself seem better than everyone else. I know this mean. I apologize, but no one intimidates me while I wear my heels, I am a tower. I am approximately 5’9” with my shoes on. I am a GIANT! Then again, Chileans are not very tall and I am already taller than many Chileans I know (I am only 5’6”).
4:03pm I do not know how people can walk in heels all day and not complain! I am in so much pain. Never again will I try to break in new shoes in the center of Santiago during the winter and while it is raining. Even when I am sitting my feet in pain. It is indescribable. Tomorrow will be the last day of this torture. Even if I decide to wear my flats tomorrow, it will be intolerable. I wonder if I can get away with wearing my TOMS. Hopefully, it will not be raining tomorrow. Hopefully, I will be able to go home early since this is supposed to be wrapping up around 1:30-2:00pm at the latest.
Monday, August 15, 2011
It's a Cold and It's a Broken Hallelujah
On top of me not proof-readin my blog posts, I do a poor job of not updating my blog on a regular basis. It's been a little more than a month since my last post and things continue to happen. Well, life goes on whether or not I update my blog, but since I do not keep journals or jot down notes, I would like to look back on something when I return to the States and I am feeling nostalgic. I have since returned to work and the students are still going strong. I feel sometimes the protests have become more aggressive. When I say that, I do not mean the students themselves, but there are people who like to infiltrate the peaceful movements and (excuse my language here) fuck shit up. There may be one or two students who act stupidly as well, but the majority of people who destroy city property and throw molotov cocktails are hooligans. They are people who do not want change, but just need a reason who cause havoc. I have heard of stories where these people loot stores and when they are done with that, they will set things ablaze. This is not the work of the student demonstrators.
The students who protest are doing so for a purpose. They want better schools. They want more money to be pumped into the education system. Socialism is not that bad, people. The people in American government who think socialism is bad, who think it is just another name for communism, do not understand the true definition of socialism. I am not a fan of "Super Congress" or government telling me who I can or cannot marry, but I am also not a fan of government privatizing and selling everything nor am I a fan of welfare or Affirmative Action (I may be center-left, but there are things I do not agree with the Left). There has to be a balance somewhere in the middle.
The Piñera Administration refuses to put any more money into education because they feel it is not their responsibility to do so. They also refuse to put money into other social programs as well: Firefighters, Police, Streets and Sanitation. What would American conservatives like Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum, and Rick Perry say in this instance? This is not their responsibility? As much as they may think Socialism is wrong, this is an aspect of Socialism. American conservatives (not all, but a number of them) turn to Chile saying Free-Market Capitalism works. Privatize everything. They only see what they want to see (Hear No Evil, See No Evil). The American Public Education System is not that much better than the Chilean Education System, but to call the Chilean education system "terrible" is an understatement. There are so many kids not getting the attention they need and they are slipping through the cracks. There are so few in this country who can afford a private education and it is so difficult for those who cannot afford a private education to receive a decent education. There is a huge gap between rich and poor in this country just like in the United States and it is even more difficult in this country to move up from one socioeconomic class to another. It is difficult to try to better one's situation. I am exhausted of having to deal with the protests on the a weekly basis and I am tired of having to deal with tear gas when I am walking to work or when I am on the train, but hopefully these protests will not be in vain. Hopefully, they will have a great impact. The Arabs have their Spring, but the Chileans have their winter. As the darkness and cold go away, we can only hope and await for light.
The students who protest are doing so for a purpose. They want better schools. They want more money to be pumped into the education system. Socialism is not that bad, people. The people in American government who think socialism is bad, who think it is just another name for communism, do not understand the true definition of socialism. I am not a fan of "Super Congress" or government telling me who I can or cannot marry, but I am also not a fan of government privatizing and selling everything nor am I a fan of welfare or Affirmative Action (I may be center-left, but there are things I do not agree with the Left). There has to be a balance somewhere in the middle.
The Piñera Administration refuses to put any more money into education because they feel it is not their responsibility to do so. They also refuse to put money into other social programs as well: Firefighters, Police, Streets and Sanitation. What would American conservatives like Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum, and Rick Perry say in this instance? This is not their responsibility? As much as they may think Socialism is wrong, this is an aspect of Socialism. American conservatives (not all, but a number of them) turn to Chile saying Free-Market Capitalism works. Privatize everything. They only see what they want to see (Hear No Evil, See No Evil). The American Public Education System is not that much better than the Chilean Education System, but to call the Chilean education system "terrible" is an understatement. There are so many kids not getting the attention they need and they are slipping through the cracks. There are so few in this country who can afford a private education and it is so difficult for those who cannot afford a private education to receive a decent education. There is a huge gap between rich and poor in this country just like in the United States and it is even more difficult in this country to move up from one socioeconomic class to another. It is difficult to try to better one's situation. I am exhausted of having to deal with the protests on the a weekly basis and I am tired of having to deal with tear gas when I am walking to work or when I am on the train, but hopefully these protests will not be in vain. Hopefully, they will have a great impact. The Arabs have their Spring, but the Chileans have their winter. As the darkness and cold go away, we can only hope and await for light.
Friday, July 1, 2011
La Educación Chilena no se vende... SE DEFIENDE!!!
I began this blogpost las week, but I could not complete it because I was so upset and frustrated. The situation which I wrote about has not been resolved and hopefully I will find out soon if I will be able to return to my normal work life.
As of 2:00am (EST) this morning, my school has been in toma. It's less of a toma and more of a coup d'état. There has been a handful of students who not only manipulated the administration, but also their own student government, and parents and they took over the school. More than 200 schools across the country (somewhere around 220+) are either in paro or toma. The administration was shocked because they had been in dialogue with the Student Council they were optimistic that they were going to come to a compromise that would have made both sides happy. Unfortunately, whatever work the student government did and wanted for the student body has gone out the window. I woke up this morning hopeful. I got ready for work, walked out the house and walked the 2.1 km I walk every morning to work. I was in a good mood and ready to meet with my kids from 3˚ Medio who will be participating in the MOEA at the Universidad de Chile. When I was about a block away from work, I saw the librarian waiting outside and talking on her cellular phone. She looked preoccupied. I figured I would ask her what was wrong when I would reach the school. By the time I arrived, I did not have to ask. The school was in toma.
We wanted to know who had taken the school and we wanted to know if the student government was involved. They were not. The kids arrived not knowing what the situation was. They were being interrogated by the faculty because the faculty assume they knew who was responsible. They knew about as much as we knew. Everyone was upset and parents of the preschoolers and kids in the elementary grades were furious. They were furious and outraged because they brought their kids assuming they would have a place to go while they go to work. They assumed their kids were going to be getting breakfast and lunch because these were meals they knew their kids were going to be guarantee d. When the parents would not leave, some of the kids who were responsible for the toma came out of the school to talk to the parents. They told the parents they could leave the kids with them. There "were" teachers inside of the school. The faculty, however, stepped in when they heard this. They told the parents there were absolutely no teachers inside of the school and unfortunately they would have to take their children back home. As we continued to look at the school, we began to recognize who were the students. The majority of them were kids from 8˚ Basico and 1˚ Medio. These were the kids who had wanted to take the school last week when the kids from 3˚ Medio did want to take the school. We were disappointed.
If the kids wanted to protest, they did not have to take the school. They could have gone to the center and participated in the demonstration that was taking place at the same time. Now, I am in the center while the protest is taking place. I took the metro to an internet cafe (where I am currently typing this) and I am away from the action. There are thousands of people in the street: students, professors, etc. wanted their voice and sentiments to be heard and felt. They want to let the government know they are not happy with the Chilean education system. They want to let Education Minister Lavin know education should not be private and bought, but should be made public and free. Knowledge is power, but I do not think that paros and tomas are the answer. Halting class and preventing teachers from doing their jobs is not the way to get a message across, especially if the message is they want a better education system.
As of 2:00am (EST) this morning, my school has been in toma. It's less of a toma and more of a coup d'état. There has been a handful of students who not only manipulated the administration, but also their own student government, and parents and they took over the school. More than 200 schools across the country (somewhere around 220+) are either in paro or toma. The administration was shocked because they had been in dialogue with the Student Council they were optimistic that they were going to come to a compromise that would have made both sides happy. Unfortunately, whatever work the student government did and wanted for the student body has gone out the window. I woke up this morning hopeful. I got ready for work, walked out the house and walked the 2.1 km I walk every morning to work. I was in a good mood and ready to meet with my kids from 3˚ Medio who will be participating in the MOEA at the Universidad de Chile. When I was about a block away from work, I saw the librarian waiting outside and talking on her cellular phone. She looked preoccupied. I figured I would ask her what was wrong when I would reach the school. By the time I arrived, I did not have to ask. The school was in toma.
We wanted to know who had taken the school and we wanted to know if the student government was involved. They were not. The kids arrived not knowing what the situation was. They were being interrogated by the faculty because the faculty assume they knew who was responsible. They knew about as much as we knew. Everyone was upset and parents of the preschoolers and kids in the elementary grades were furious. They were furious and outraged because they brought their kids assuming they would have a place to go while they go to work. They assumed their kids were going to be getting breakfast and lunch because these were meals they knew their kids were going to be guarantee d. When the parents would not leave, some of the kids who were responsible for the toma came out of the school to talk to the parents. They told the parents they could leave the kids with them. There "were" teachers inside of the school. The faculty, however, stepped in when they heard this. They told the parents there were absolutely no teachers inside of the school and unfortunately they would have to take their children back home. As we continued to look at the school, we began to recognize who were the students. The majority of them were kids from 8˚ Basico and 1˚ Medio. These were the kids who had wanted to take the school last week when the kids from 3˚ Medio did want to take the school. We were disappointed.
If the kids wanted to protest, they did not have to take the school. They could have gone to the center and participated in the demonstration that was taking place at the same time. Now, I am in the center while the protest is taking place. I took the metro to an internet cafe (where I am currently typing this) and I am away from the action. There are thousands of people in the street: students, professors, etc. wanted their voice and sentiments to be heard and felt. They want to let the government know they are not happy with the Chilean education system. They want to let Education Minister Lavin know education should not be private and bought, but should be made public and free. Knowledge is power, but I do not think that paros and tomas are the answer. Halting class and preventing teachers from doing their jobs is not the way to get a message across, especially if the message is they want a better education system.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)